iPad: Quiet Distraction or Toxic Consequence?

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Sitting in church, pushing the buggy at the grocery store, flipping through the magazines in the doctor’s office, family reunions…. The list goes on. Increasingly I see children, as young as two operating (effectively) handheld devices (cellphone, ipad, notebook and the like). I have to be honest; my first impression aligns with relief I do not have to hear a screaming or misbehaving child. Now, as I have (future) stepsons, who often engage in iPads, iPhones, DS, Wii, and other various media technology, I find my opinion molding into more educational and psychological standpoint. Then, I ran across an article that founded, supported, and further guided the direction my opinion was molded.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cris-rowan/10-reasons-why-handheld-devices-should-be-banned_b_4899218.html

While the article lists 10 (YES TEN) reasons why handheld devices should be banned, I will only touch on four.

Brain Growth. No denying that iPads appear to stimulate the child who is directly interacting with the device. However, overexposure to that iPad can actually decrease your child’s ability to pay attention, focus solely on a topic, and increase impulsivity, which leads to aggressiveness later in years. Because a child’s brain is rapidly growing at a substantial rate, technology limits and delays the growth instead of fostering healthy development.

Delayed Development. How does a child utilize, use and engage with an iPad? Sitting on a church pew, sitting on the floor, sitting in the car, sitting, sitting, sitting. Immobility produces children who have delayed development, which negatively impacts literacy and educational learning in school. Allowing a child to engage in “educational apps” has the potential to set that child back, instead of giving him/her an advantage.

Sleep Deprivation. Who functions well on less than normal amount of sleep? Study after study, and my own experience, proves that children require even more sleep than adults. Because most parents do not supervise the use of technology, and allow that same technology in the their child’s bedroom, sleep deprivation is inevitable. Which leads to the unrealistic expectation that the child should still maintain good grades when he/she is lacking the demanded rest.

Mental Illness. Aside from fostering aggression and impulse control behaviors, handheld devices has been determined to be a casual factor in many other mental illnesses among children. Some of which, from a counselor’s standpoint, are predictable: depression, anxiety, attachment disorder, and attention deficits. Other mental illnesses stemming from technology use are more disturbing and appalling: autism, bipolar disorder, and psychosis.

Our world runs on technology; I myself have several devices I use to function personally and professionally every day. Children should not be subjected to technology at the risk of causing more harm. This article, as well as, many other professionals have agreed upon a standard of allowance for children with handheld devices (because we all realize that we cannot completely eliminate technology).

0-2 years old = no exposure / 3-5 years old = one hour per day / 6-18 years old = two hours per day

I believe as a parent, a counselor, and as an advocate for the well-being of all children, we, as a society, are paving the road for our future leaders to have a laundry list of potential stumbling blocks in an otherwise successful and productive life. As part of my belief, I am now deleting all children-related apps off my devices now. I want to be instrumental in fostering a healthy lifestyle physically and emotionally for all children.

 

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“I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine..” Dealing with Bullying

Finding Nemo is a one of my favorite Disney movies, for many reasons.  Among the most endearing characters are the three sharks that are desperately attempting to stay on a “vegetarian path.”  Who doesn’t remember the sharks reciting: “I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine.  If I am to change this image, I must first change myself.  Fish are friends, not food”?  A smile spreads across my face as I type those words.  

 However, that smile quickly disappears when I think of how applicable those same words can be for today’s young teens.  Bullying and mean girls are a prevalent topic, not only among my teenage clients, but also for my adult clients who’ve been tormented with memories of their childhood.  Certainly with the surfacing of mainstream social media, more avenues for bullying are presented.  

 What if your teenager is (embarrassingly) that mean girl or bully in his/her school?  (Yikes!!)  When questioning your child about bullying behavior, don’t be surprised when you hear “just kidding.”  While a defense mechanism, the child is really trying to deflect accountability and make it appear as if you are overreacting.  (You aren’t.)  Listen and ask, genuinely, what is going on in the child’s life that is presenting a situation where he/she feels the need to be mean.  Then, LISTEN; listen and voice understanding your teen’s his/her behavior, when applicable.  Here comes the part where he/she might shut down and focus on a far off land because what do parents know.  Question your child about whether he/she has been made fun of, bullied, or had feelings hurt.  Discuss the emotions your teenager felt, and try to parallel that the effects of his/her actions as a bully.  Empower your teen to do the right thing, even when it goes against his/her “group” of friends.  Encourage and role play with your teen about how to be different, say different, and act different.  Be supportive at all attempts even sarcastic ones.  Acknowledge and praise any interaction towards your teen trying.  Voice the positive qualities you observe in your teen.  Point out the label of bully or mean girl is not popular or respected and will eventually lead to loneliness.  

 How do parents comfort a child who is the victim of mean girls or bullying?  First, LISTEN.  While this seems obvious, most parents don’t really engage in conversation, they dominate it.  Listen to your teen and affirm his/her emotions, despite how silly they may sound.  Feel free to share you experience, but only AFTER you’ve listened to his/hers.  Next, use the opportunity to show the importance of building relationships in a positive light, instead of using someone for entertainment benefit at the expense of someone else’s emotions.  Allow and encourage your teen to role play scenarios, giving him/her guidance with how to deal face-to-face with the bully.  This allows for your child to explore boundaries he/she is comfortable expressing.  Discuss the important fact that not every hurtful word deserves a comeback and sometimes the best option is to walk away without saying anything in return.   

 Remember the sharks in Finding Nemo?  Developing and maintaining healthy, gossip-free relationships with those around us can be an example to our children.  If you find that you are not setting an that right example, use that as a foundation to change, for yourself and your child(ren).  “If I am to change this image, I must first change myself.” 

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